For as long as I can remember, I’ve been taught to constantly question how my actions might make others feel and to anticipate their needs and emotions. I was trained to be hyper-vigilant, to have what is called nunchi, to always read the room. This was how you raised a good daughter, a good woman. Once that woman becomes a mother, her identity recedes into the role of a wife, a mother.

In South Korea, where I was raised, women stop being referred to by their names. Instead, they are called “Mother of _____,” insert the name of one of her children. This is a term of respect. A title mothers wear with pride, just as I did when I became a mother and someone called me my son’s Umma for the first time.

At seven years old, I remember being at a family wedding where a tiny baby was crying. No

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