Woman hears boyfriend voicing contrary opinion in his head

A MAN has been shocked to learn that his partner can hear any of his inner thoughts that express dissent.

Martin Bishop made the discovery during a minor argument with girlfriend Ellie Shaw about how he scoops out large lumps of Lurpak from the tub instead of neatly scraping it from the top.

Bishop said: “Ellie was annoyed about the way the spread always has ‘craters’ in it, and claimed her toast goes cold while she’s smoothing it back down.

“For the sake of an easy life I agreed to make sure the spread was smooth before I put it back in the fridge. But in my head I was thinking: ‘Christ, there’s more to life than sodding spread being flat.’

“Ellie immediately said: ‘Yes, there’s more to life than spread. Such as sex, which is frankly less likely to happen if you don’t stop pissing me