DANNY Dyer expertly blended emotion, Cockney pride, West Ham fandom and liberal obscenities in his speech at his daughter’s wedding yesterday. Read it in full:

Alright, you muppets.

If the Irons had got themselves relegated, this day wouldn’t have happened. No way. I’m not having a Championship striker servicing my princess.

And she is a princess, no facking about. I’m royalty and this should have been an all-day event on the telly but ITV4 were being cheap twats.

Who would have thought, watching Love Island, my Dani would end up with a totally different fella? Though proper geezer he was, did time for fraud and kept it schtum.

Anyway, she met this lad, and he’s alright. 14 goals in a season like we’ve had is decent. Has to do better, but then I’m a national treasure just for going

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