PLANNED for melons, but ended up with cherry pips and a Wonderbra? You’re as disappointed as the men you’re dating. This advice offers minimal comfort:

Never date working class

Useful advice anyway, but particularly so for the flat-chested. A Telegraph reader has been bred to find double-barrelled titless heiresses attractive. Guardianistas feel small breasts are high-class, sophisticated and continental. While Sun readers demand a massive, swinging pair like all women had under Thatcher.

Manage expectations

Despite what certain hypnotherapist would-be Green Party leaders believe, you can’t manifest a G-cup. There is no placebo effect for miniscule mounds. Instead make his first glimpse casual and natural, like an arthouse movie, with no nipple tassels or big shirt-tearing reveal. He’l

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