THE prime minister has asked his country to be as up for a fight as it is every Friday evening after eight pints and a kebab, but geopolitically.

Starmer has warned the UK that Russian and Chinese aggression is on the rise, and that each and every one of us much reach down deep inside to find our inner belligerent pissed self.

He said: “The threat we now face is more serious, more immediate and more unpredictable than a stag party on an 18-hour bender. We must respond accordingly.

“We have allowed ourselves to relax. To imagine the world is no more dangerous than for a middle-aged couple in a local cocktail bar on their Wednesday date night.

“Those days are gone. Defence is our national priority and it is the duty of every citizen to reach down into yourselves and find your most drunke

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