LOVE Island is back, and this summer’s contestants are the most homogenous yet. Here they are in ascending order of tiny slivers of individuality:

Tommy Bradley

With sculpted pecs and a shaved body, Tommy is indistinguishable from other men on Love Island, on TOWIE, and in boxes labelled ‘Action Man’. The Sun describes him as a ‘cheeky chappy’ which in this braindead context means he says things like ‘Have you ever thought if animals could talk?’ and is serious.

Helena Ford

Helena ticks all the boxes for Love Island genericity: bikini bod, dyed blonde hair, plumped lips. She does have the retro career of air stewardess, but cancels out any atypicality by being an influencer who posts selfies from Dubai.

Alima Gagio

Alima has a business studies degree and likes cocktails, h

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