WE have all seen him, admired him and wondered what it takes to become him: the tit buzzing his budget drone around a public park. Follow these rules:

Be susceptible to Instagram adverts

The first and most important step. It lays a strong foundation for the rest of your pathetic and annoying journey. There is a hole in your soul, and it’s shaped like whatever sponsored ad comes up next on your feed. You’re one gadget away from fulfilment. Enter your credit card details.

Choose a busy spot

You could go anywhere, so make sure you pick a place where lots of people are trying to enjoy a relaxing afternoon. This is not about flying, it’s about being seen flying. You’re not just a man. You’re a spectacle.

Liberate yourself from shame

Block out the haters. No one builds statues to critics;

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