VALLEY OF SOREK — A local Philistine sex worker named Delilah reportedly approached Samson, the judge of Israel, asking him where he gets his strength but later regretted doing so after the Israelite launched into a 5-hour lecture on the virtues of the carnivore diet.

"They're poisoning our food!" Samsons said excitedly. "Carbs and vegetables are literally KILLING YOU and this diet cuts out ALL OF IT!"

A relatively foreign concept to the region, the carnivore diet is built around losing weight and addressing autoimmune disorders. Though similar to ketogenic diets — or "keto" as the Kenites call it — the carnivore diet cuts out fruits and vegetables in favor of a high protein diet.

"It's got so many benefits, Delilah," Samson argued. "I get higher testosterone from all this awesome meat

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