How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I am a divorced woman in my 50s. Not long ago, I was at a hotel for a conference for my work when I met a man, “Carlos,” who was a little more than 10 years older than I. We really hit it off and ended up going back to his room. However, something terrible happened.

Carlos suffered a heart attack while we were having sex. I called 911, and he was rushed to the hospital, but he didn’t make it. Even worse was when his wife showed up! I couldn’t bear to tell her what really happened, and instead lied and told her I was on my way to the elevator when I found him collapsed in the doorway of his hotel room and called an ambulance. When the doctor

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