It’s most likely happened to each of us — someone we love leaves the church. There are instances all through the scriptures. Adam and Eve and Cain. Alma and Alma the Younger. Emma Smith and her children. It can lead to a lot of negative feelings like shame, judgment, fear and heartbreak, but I believe those feelings don’t have to stay with us.

It happened to me, too. All three of my kids left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There was a lot to learn, and none of it was easy. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.

1. Don’t blame yourself.

It is only natural to immediately ask what you did wrong — especially in a church that asks us to do a lot. Many of us blame ourselves or family members, thinking we should have had family prayer, scripture study or family home evening

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