AUSTIN, TX - Shortly after being banned from various social media networks, including Apple, Facebook, YouTube, and Spotify, Alex Jones was seen at a local Austin bar drowning his sorrows in a tall, cool glass of Caveman True Paleo Formula.

Jones calmly ordered pint after pint of the bone broth-based nutrition mix, eventually just ordering the powder and chugging it "straight up," according to witnesses.

"THE GAY FROG LOBBY CLAIMS ANOTHER VICTIM!" Jones cried as he motioned for the bartender to fix him another glass of Caveman, "shaken, not stirred." "I'VE BEEN TELLING THEM FOR YEARS IT'S ALL A BIG DEEP STATE ALIEN ILLUMINATI CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME, AND NOW THEY'VE PROVEN IT'S ALL TRUE! I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!"

"PEDOPHILE LIZARDS ARE, AT THIS MOMENT, FLYING A UFO ARMY LED BY NONE OTHER TH

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