Dan Howell and Phil Lester consumed my preteen years. I thought about the YouTube duo all the time — while getting ready for school, while zoned out in class, while getting ready for bed. I listened to music popular in the fandom . I would even (poorly) doodle each of them in my notebook before going home and logging onto my Instagram fan account. Talking to me was a bit of a nightmare. I would not shut up about #hearteyeshowell and theories about their marriage or where they lived.

I was insufferable, and I miss it.

Loving Dan and Phil was a palpable, physical feeling. I was often so giddy about them I blushed or had to jump around my room. I was once so plagued by them that I was nauseous after reading a fanfiction where they fought.

My obsession has relaxed in recent years

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