Brought to you by:

Monkeypox is here! EVERYONE PANIC! You thought COVID wasn't a big deal? Well, get ready to spend every waking moment of your life in constant terror for fear that the next person you run into might have a rare disease with a low transmission rate.

Think you might have it? Diagnose yourself by consulting these symptoms:

1) A mild headache: Run for your life! YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!

2) You've been to England in the last six months: You might also be British, which is another problem altogether.

3) Italian plumbers make you FURIOUS: Throwing all those barrels is making you super buff, though.

4) You pick a bug out of your wife's hair and eat it: Helpful but gross. Don't do that.

5) You become confused and angry every time you see a monolith: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

See Full Page