Summertime is just around the corner, which means one thing: churches across the country are soon to be overrun with thousands of feral children. What was once upon a time known for wholesome things like cookies & Kool-Aid, learning Bible stories, and making paper cutouts of the twelve disciples has now become a daunting week-long festival of free babysitting that is usually centered around a central theme.

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of top VBS themes coming this summer:

The Gospel of John Wick: It's a classic retelling of Jesus's time here on Earth, only with martial arts, guns, and a very high casualty rate. Sweet!

Super Mario Brothers (In Christ): Your kids will learn how God can give them more power than any mushroom, star, or flower!

Top God: Maverick: In t

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