• Charles dated my mom 30 years ago. Though their relationship didn't work out, he stayed in my life. • When we travel together, people often ask if he's my dad or my stepdad. • I call him my "second dad," and he's expanded my definition of family.

What do you call someone who isn't your dad, isn't your stepdad, but still chooses to show up for 30 years? Well, that's been my conundrum with my mom's ex-boyfriend.

Charles dated my mom for six months when I was four years old, and never fully left my life. He and my mom remained friendly, and over the years, he lingered on the periphery. There would be short visits, small gifts, and, after he moved from Johannesburg (where we lived), to Australia, the occasional phone call to stay in touch.

My mom has always had mixed feelings about ou

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