When we talk about consent, we often frame it as a pretty simple concept. In a sense, it is: It’s a plain truth that you need to respect a partner’s “no,” no matter what.

But the underlying process that supports consent in a healthy relationship is a little more complex. First, before we say what we want, we have to know what we want — and that’s not always as simple as it sounds. Then, we have to take a leap of faith and communicate that to our partner, even if we think they might not like what we have to say. That’s not so easy, either; we could hurt a partner’s feelings or run up against our own assumptions about what it means to be a “good” partner. The result is that often one partner will give a surface-level “yes” – when what they’re really feeling is “heck no.”

That represe

See Full Page