WASHINGTON, D.C. - Since opening his presidential campaign, Joe Biden has pledged to strictly follow the guidance of the nation's scientists to deal with the coronavirus pandemic. Press Secretary Jen Psaki reported that today, President Biden sat down with the top experts in the world to figure out which unions have the most money, and then unapologetically follow the science of those unions.

"What people don't understand about science is that a lot of it has to do with how much money you make, and how many votes you control," explained Jen Psaki. "The scientific method is an objective way to find the truth. We simply hypothesize how much money a union will give us, and then see how much they actually do. Then we repeat the experiment."

"The results are fascinating. Grocery stores, for e

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