PAWTUCKET, RI - Hasbro announced today the replacement of its popular G.I. Joe action figure with an updated version that's much more fitting in the current year: G.I. Pat, a genderless take on the action hero.

After public outcry over the extremely masculine G.I. Joe, Hasbro finally caved and agreed to remove the super-macho action hero from store shelves.

"Now you know your gender identity -- and knowing is half the battle!" shouts an actor playing G.I. Pat in a commercial for the new toy as he struggles to light a Molotov cocktail and picks up a brick with the utmost effort. "Now let's go murder some cops!"

G.I. Pat comes with a Molotov cocktail, a brick, and a cute miniature copy of The Communist Manifesto . You can accessorize your G.I. Pat with genderless clothes, androgynous a

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