Key points

Anger traps enable justified anger but hinder relational intimacy and vulnerability.

Setting anger traps may stem from fear of intimacy.

Sabotaging relationships through anger traps can prevent closeness, trust, and support.

Being angry can feel good. And when we’re in a relationship, it is often our partner who is the focus of our anger . Much like the Dark Side of the Force, anger can be appealing and seductive, but ultimately painful and self-destructive, only without the cool glowing space swords. Being angry feels especially good when we feel we are justified. If we have a clear, objective reason for being angry, we can eliminate ourselves as part of the problem, and see ourselves simply as responding to an external situation that happened to us, when in reality we ar

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