U.S. — In the latest development in the ongoing saga of a reported national security threat, the rumored Russian space weapon was revealed to be a ferocious bear duct-taped to a satellite.
The news comes as yet another terrifying display of Russian military strength, with U.S. Department of Defense officials speculating that the bear-taped-to-satellite super weapon gives Russia the capability to inflict significant damage anywhere in the world.
"This is the worst-case scenario," one Pentagon official said under the condition of anonymity. "If it was some type of sophisticated space laser or something, we may have ways to counteract its effectiveness. But a bear? That's a whole different ball of wax."
The bear, believed to be a fearsome Kamchatka brown bear, has long been thought by Amer