Penn Badgley is giving fans a behind-the-scenes look at one of the most awkward moments while filming his hit Netflix series You. In a new excerpt from his upcoming essay collection, Crushmore: Essays on Love, Loss, and Coming-of-Age, co-written with his Podcrushed co-hosts Nava Kavelin and Sophie Ansari, the actor recalls shooting a tricky sex scene from season 3, which he described as a “fantasy sequence."

In the excerpt, published by Vulture, Penn Badgley discussed the scene where his character, the psychotic killer Joe Goldberg, was having an intimate moment with his wife, Love, played by Victoria Pedretti. Joe was “meant to be humpin’ on his wife, with whom he has become not only bored but also contemptuous." However, he imagines he is with another woman, Marienne, played by Tati G

See Full Page