AMERICA — Across the nation, thousands of religious fanatics have once again gathered to worship teams of unusually large men trying to move a piece of leather.

"Never miss a Sunday," said Brad Larsen, taking his usual seat. "I've done my daily ESPN readings every morning this week and took time to iron my jersey so I'm at my Sunday best. I've even asked a couple neighbors to come join us, let them hear the good news of what Josh Allen has done for the Buffalo Bills."

Scholars say the zealotry of this particular religion is nearly unmatched in modern times. "It is so rare, looking throughout human history, to see congregants so consistently worshipping on Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays," said Religious Studies professor Lisa Miller. "These people are also known to undertake se

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