Ishare your pain. The 23 rd series of Strictly has just kicked off which means Saturday nights on BBC One from now until Christmas will be a riot of sequins, Elnett and loud eye make-up. Although not just BBC One. The show will also be endlessly discussed on the radio, in print, across social media and by — seemingly — all of your friends and relatives. People will develop favourites. People will cry when so-and-so is booted off. People will lose their minds when someone does a particularly ‘moving’ foxtrot.

If you’re a Strictly refusenik, like me, it’s a trying time. We’ve been putting up with this nonsense for 23 years. Twenty-three years of fevered debate about who’s going to be on it, who’s going to be paired with who, and who’s having an affair with their dancer. Obviously, in

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