Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

We’re excited to welcome A.J. Daulerio, author of Slate’s Ask A.J. column, to Care and Feeding, where the father of three will now also dole out parenting advice every other Wednesday. Welcome, A.J.!

Dear Care and Feeding,

My first husband “Tom” is a self-described feminist with a commitment to equality and dedication to his nonprofit work to make the world a better place. A guy who always uses the right language. But he was a people pleaser who always put himself and our family last. With the landlord, I was willing to be the one who fought for our family. But I needed him to take my side about things like requiring his parents to get MMR vaccines to meet the newb

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