RICHMOND, VA - Cigarette maker Marlboro has announced that they have added puberty blockers to cigarettes to make them legal for kids.

"Now that our smooth Marlboro cigarettes can block puberty, 13 and 14-year-old kids should be able to use them legally, without parental consent," said a spokesperson for the company.

Cited as "lung-affirming care," the cigarette manufacturer's decision to supplement their products with puberty blockers has caused progressives to praise Marlboro as a true advocate for children's health.

"Well, if these things have puberty blockers in them, they must be good for kids," said Pediatrician Dr. Ima G. Reumer, who specializes in non-invasive, gender-affirming mastectomies and genital mutilations for tikes. "I'll have my staff add a couple of packs of Marlboros

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