BOULDER, CO - As the vaccine arrives in hospitals and select mansions across the U.S., local hero Robert Johnston has graciously given up his dose until everyone else has had the chance to try the vaccine first.

"My hospital told me I was in line to get the vaccine, but I was like…uh, now? Aren't there some elderly people, or, like, some women and children who need to try it out - um, I mean, receive this life-saving drug - first? I don't want to take their place in line, I mean it's Christmas for gosh sake!" said Mr. Johnston.

The hospital administrator tried to persuade Mr. Johnston, but he wasn't about to take someone else's place in the lifeboat. "Nooo sir, I'll wait until every healthcare provider, nursing home worker, plumber, mathematician, archaeologist, and lumberjack has had t

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