The glorious certainty of sport! This NRL season has been so unpredictable that embarrassed tipsters now live in witness protection.

In winter, the Raiders, Bulldogs and Warriors topped the table, while Penrith ran last. The Storm were towelled up by the Dragons, Dolphins and Sea Eagles; the Broncos couldn’t beat Manly, Parramatta or Souths. Mudgee became a holy site for Canberra pilgrims seeking miracles.

A month ago, the final eight was rich in bandwagons for neutrals to jump aboard. Even the Bulldogs were a fresh angle, a once-great club regenerating from the soil of Penrith only to blow itself up with fertiliser purchased from Leichhardt.

But the grand final? Back to the status quo. As you were. It was all a dream. Melbourne, of course: it’s spring, Storm season. We were only four m

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