DEAR MISS MANNERS: I no longer give big birthday or holiday gifts. I do this because a family member died after I had purchased his Christmas gift.

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Instead, I give gifts irregularly throughout the year, as I make or come across something that a person will like. I might also repair something for them as a gift, or shovel their snow. Once, I drove someone to outpatient surgery and back, and cared for them until their spouse came home.

Everyone still gets a token gift for their birthday and Christmas. I will say, “You liked last year’s gift so well, I made you another so you’d have a pair.” Or, “You barely got any cookies last year, so I made a batch for you to take home.”

But some people make it known that they feel insulted by the paltriness of what they receive.

Plea

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