ELY, NV - After enjoying a generic chicken sandwich with waffle fries and a coke, professional parrot-sitter Antoine Herpsberger sat down to watch TV. Surfing channels, Herpsberger paused for a brief moment to watch a chef pour a delicate line of pear-infused chocolate coulis over a steaming array of raspberry truffle panettones. That brief pause was all the man needed to commit gluttony in his heart.

His decadent act of sinful gluttony was interrupted when a minuscule, white-robed Gwyneth Paltrow appeared over his right shoulder. "Antoine," she sang while strumming her lute, "you know this is wrong. Change the channel. Think of acai sprouts."

"Bro, it's just a little bit of harmless, lip-smacking pleasure," said Guy Fieri, appearing in a puff of smoke over Herpsberger's left shoulder. "

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