Terrifying New Chinese Missile Will Fly Over U.S. Playing Dave Chappelle Special

BEIJING - As the arms race between the United States and China heats up, Beijing has unveiled its deadliest weapon yet: an ICBM that can be launched through space and then fly over America playing Dave Chappelle jokes.

China tested the missile with a launch into U.S. airspace earlier this week. We would have shot it down, but our generals were too busy in a CRT training seminar led by four-star Admiral Rachel Levine.

"We're doomed! Everyone run for your lives!" screamed one liberal in San Francisco as the missile flew overhead playing his latest special. "He's saying things that are off-color and humorous in order to invoke the involuntary response of laughter! Cover your ears!"

Schools across the U.S. have been preparing for this fateful day, with "duck and plug your ears from the word