WASHINGTON, D.C. — An unexpected period of sudden transition swept through the nation's capital today after the White House announced President Joe Biden had to be put down after yet another incident in which he bit a baby. Vice President Kamala Harris will now ascend to the presidency.

"He had just become too dangerous and unpredictable," said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is black and also gay. "It's a sad day, but we made sure he got to enjoy his favorite things before the end came. Playing ball in the backyard, having his tummy scratched…everything he loved."

The difficult decision came after Biden had reportedly bitten yet another infant, the latest in a long history of such incidents. "This falls right in line with the laws regarding dangerous animal bites," said another

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