Key points

When parents feel guilt or shame, the brain’s alarm system (amygdala) can hijack their behavior.

Parents' thoughts—not their kids’ actions—often drive those emotions.

Three small steps—pause, check, and choose—help shift from control to connection.

Practicing an “and-not-or” mindset builds flexibility and calm for both parent and child.

The Morning Everything Went Sideways

It started like any ordinary school morning.

I was driving my eight-year-old son, Diego, to school. Usually, my husband does the drop-off, but lately, Diego has been struggling—too rough on the playground, upset when losing games. I wanted to help, so I rearranged my day to take him myself.

After 10 minutes of chatting, Diego asked, “Can we listen to The Magic Tree House ?”

I said no.

He looked puz

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