U.S. — Americans braced for what appeared to be a bright, joyous summer and the nation let out a collective cheer as college campus protesters announced plans to stay inside tents indefinitely.

The announcement was made as universities prepared for summer break, with the mobs of anti-Israel protesters gathered on various campuses across the country vowing to remain in place until the next semester begins in the fall, eliciting celebrations from the rest of the nation.

"This is the best news I've heard in a while!" shouted Nate Thomas, who immediately began planning a summer vacation with his family. "We figured this summer would be a total wash due to a bunch of filthy commies running around doing, you know, filthy commie stuff. Now that we know they're going to stay confined to campus a

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