No, New Yorkers—you can keep your umbrellas folded for now: despite what the Internet rumor mill might suggest, Hurricane Melissa is not heading up I-95. The monstrous Category 5 storm is currently pounding Jamaica with 165-mile-per-hour winds and torrential rain, but forecasters say it will veer northeast into the Atlantic long before it comes anywhere near the five boroughs.

According to the National Hurricane Center , Melissa is moving west at just 3 miles per hour, a crawl that’s making things much worse for the Caribbean islands in its path. The storm is expected to drench Jamaica with up to 30 inches of rain before crossing southeastern Cuba and the Bahamas mid-week. But, after that, a dip in the jet stream over the eastern U.S. should steer it safely out to sea.

“At this t

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