LEIDERSBERG, VA - Local man Dave O'Gorman went to Home Depot for the fifth time today after buying the wrong size screw again. But this time, he went through the power tool aisle and spotted some power drills on sale.

"Oh man," he said. This one's cordless... it's got a 1/2-inch ratcheting chuck and a variable speed trigger," he muttered, his mind reeling from all the fixing he could do with it. "Man oh man."

Just then, a tiny version of Joel Osteen suddenly appeared on his shoulder, accompanied by a miniature Dave Ramsey on his other shoulder. The two exchanged greetings and then began to argue over what the man should do.

"You deserve it---live your best life," Osteen whispered.

But Ramsey shook his head. "What are you, stupid?"

"You are rich! You are wealthy! You are victorious!" O

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