• Heather Sweeney is a freelance writer who lives in Virginia. • The following is an adapted excerpt from "Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage." • Her memoir, out now, tells the story of her life as a military spouse and the search for identity after divorce.

If military spouses could compile a list of things not to say to a military spouse, one of those taboo sentences would be "You knew what you were getting into."

It's impossible to comprehend and foresee military life until you're in the thick of it. You can read the books. You can watch the news. You can absorb the tales of those who have done it. But knowing the logistics of what you're getting into when your spouse becomes a service member is far different from knowing how you're going to react to

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