How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My wife and I are both 46 and have been married for 19 years. Early on in our relationship, she needed much more foreplay to get in the mood, especially if she wanted to orgasm. I was ready anytime. We worked together to find the right buttons to push and got very successful “finishing” together to both our satisfaction. I would start the process earlier, giving massages or foot rubs. We spend a bit more time making out. We also found a couple of toys that I use on her. She typically gets two to three or more orgasms per session, with the best stemming from me-on-top PIV at the end.

As we’ve gotten older, she has become hornier in general a

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