As a young woman, I never envisioned my wedding day. I simply wanted a partner to love me in good times and bad. Yet my relationships had been rocky. I fell quickly for partners, drawn to their emotional intensity and, often, their wounds. Their hurt touched my own and I gave them the understanding and compassion I hoped to receive in return.

I’m a clinical psychologist and this a pretty common pattern I see in my female clients. Their empathy and kindness is given in excess and is rarely reciprocated in the same way. Empathy becomes our blind spot.

It’s a very vulnerable feeling to be a couples therapist who can’t find love. I had done plenty of therapy and I’d tried to learn from my mistakes. I considered myself to be reflective and insightful.

In early 2020, as the pandemic unfolded,

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