GROVE HILLS, CT - Finally ending months of torturous, off-beat hand-clapping, the security team at Grove Baptist were at long last able to locate the culprit who could not seem to ever clap on a single correct beat, tagging him with a well-aimed tranquilizer dart right to the neck, before removing him from the premises, sources confirmed.
The suspect was identified as single man Roger Cray, who reportedly still maintains his innocence.
After lugging a sedated Cray all the way to the sidewalk, security dusted off their hands, took one last disdainful look at the off-beat clapper, and walked back to the building, shutting the double-doors behind them, according to witnesses.
"We're not just talking about lagging slightly behind, or trying to speed it up once in a while," Pastor Larry told

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