Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here .

Dear Prudence,

I have the classic she’s lovely, but… question. My mother-in-law is wonderful, adores my children, and is a dedicated and loving presence for them. My husband is her only child. She is aging, eccentric, and as my teen says, “extra.” She adds many great things to our lives, but she honestly is a big source of stress and tension for my husband and myself (his father is deceased). When she is stressing me out, I think about how much simpler my life will be once she dies. And I feel bad about this!

As much as my husband finds his mother stressful, he will be devastated when she’s gone, and so will my children (not to mention myself!). However, I just keep coming back to these thoughts about her dying and

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