JACKSONVILLE, FL - Eyewitnesses were dazzled by the appearance today of a disc of bright white light near the city's Riverside area. They were even more amazed when a thin figure in a flannel shirt emerged from the circle of light and began to speak.

"People of the year 2020," he said, "I am Fidel-Mao Rosenberg the 5th, from the People's Luxurious Housing Commune #22, known to you today as 'Kentucky.' I come to you from the glorious future, the year 76 After Ocasio-Cortez, to bring you a message of… Hey, is that a McDonald's!?!"

Rosenberg then sprinted through traffic to a nearby McDonald's restaurant. After he threw himself on the ground in front of the counter, diners reported hearing Rosenberg say, "Please, comrade, how many People's Equality Credits does it cost for a bite of hamburg

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