U.S. - The nation's agitated soteriologically Calvinistic Christians released another statement Thursday alleging that the Russian Orthodox Church has, and continues to, meddle in the historical Christian Doctrine of Election.

"One can hardly read the comments under my blog without some mention of the Patriarch of Moscow, or #ReleaseTheWillFromBondage," complained one Reformed pastor, who declined to give his name. "The Russians have clearly weaponized their faulty theology against our precious doctrine. They think they have an ability to choose - but this is our election, and Totally Depraved Americans won't stand for it!"

Facebook and Twitter are feeling pressure to censor pro-Russian Orthodox dogma, which has overrun the two social media platforms through automated, robotic posts. The

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