CAMBRIDGE, MA — With the Trump administration banning Harvard University from taking international students, the school was forced to begin accepting students from Ohio.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," said Harvard Dean of Admissions Phil Donahue. "I never thought we would fall so far. I've spent my entire life trying to never even speak to someone from Ohio, much less allow them into Harvard. This is rock bottom."

With international students unable to attend and hundreds of admissions slots to fill, the University began considering what was once unthinkable: allowing human beings from the Midwest on campus. "Maybe we can let someone from Illinois in. Do they speak English there? I'm not familiar," said Don Harmon, Vice Dean of Admissions. "I suppose these students will want to bring t

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