Even After They’re Gone, the Transformation of Grief

Key points

When someone who truly sees us dies, the relationship doesn’t end—it transforms and lives within us.

Grief is not only a process of loss but also a continuation of connection and mutual growth.

Meaning-making in grief allows love and pain to coexist and evolve into growth.

The power of mattering to another endures beyond time, shaping our identity long after they’re gone.

My mentor, Jonathan, lay in bed with wires curling softly across his chest, the Boston Harbor beyond his window alive with passing boats and glints of afternoon light flickering across the water’s surface. Between coughs, he sipped orange juice through a wilting paper straw, while insisting we share lunch—specifically the gourmet hospital turkey sandwich, “but mayo, no mustard. Because no one likes mustard