My house plants and I are in a dysfunctional relationship where I forget to water them and they forget to live.

It’s not my fault I think all of them are succulents. People should stop giving me flowers on the assumption I’ll take care of them.

I can barely take care of the succulents. They need to be watered once a month, and I end up thinking they’re plastic. Then I wonder why they look so shriveled after a few weeks.

I should really get more plastic flowers. But I end up thinking they’re real, so I water them anyway. Then I get wet patches on my desk and windowsill.

Go figure. Some days you just can’t win.

Flowers are a good thing to have around the house. They make things look bright and cheerful.

Since my room resembles an underground cavern, a few spots of color are definitely

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