Best practices require that I state at the outset that I do not possess a law degree, paralegal training, formal or informal knowledge of the laws of this city, county, state, or country, or any familiarity whatsoever with the traditions of conduct associated with Judeo-Christian law. In any legal proceeding, I have no authority to represent anybody but myself.

However, as you can see from my billboards and bus-shelter ads, I do possess a dog and a bull. The dog, when it opens its mouth, shows off its large, pointed teeth, connected top to bottom by strands of saliva. My bull is of the breed that, when you mess with it, you get the horn. If you’re wondering why my bull has only one horn, that is the reason. As for my own teeth, they make the dog’s teeth and the bull’s horn seem like nothi

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