Kat Bogdon, 37, feels panic every day as she rations the creamer for her morning coffee. Could she maybe use a little bit less? Could she use milk instead?

The Buffalo, New York, native has been living in financial limbo since being laid off in early June, and has had to turn to food stamps. But now even that lifeline has been taken away as she has become one of an estimated 41.7 million Americans affected by the federal pause of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program ( SNAP ).

“Daily things that are normal feel like luxuries,” Bogdon tells TIME. “It almost feels like a bit of dignity and a bit of choice—a lot of choice and autonomy is stripped away from you.”

Read more: Why Are Democrats Voting to End the Shutdown? Here’s What Guided Their Thinking

The battle over SNAP,

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