Topo Chico Margaritas
Topo Chico Margaritas
Topo Chico Margaritas
Topo Chico Margaritas
A delicious pour of one of the best beers on the planet.
Topo Chico Margaritas

Topo Chico's Spirited canned cocktails were a wonderful union of your bartender's favorite bubble water and crisp, deftly handled booze. They went above and beyond a seltzer to deliver something approaching a homemade cocktail in a portable vessel that maintained the bigger, softer carbonation of its base.

That raised my expectations for the brand's line of margaritas. There was a caveat, though. While Spirited promised actual, you know, spirits (tequila, vodka, etc), these margaritas don't have that. "Distilled spirits" is the official entry on the ingredient list, which is a little concerning considering the company already knows how to add tequila to a drink and does it well. Venturing into the world of neutral spirits tends to create a generic profile that throws things back to the days of Mike's Hard Lemonade rather than a burgeoning world of quality canned cocktails.

Still, my expectations were high coming into this one. Let's see what we've got.

Signature Margarita: B

It pours and smells like you'd expect; salt, agave, lime and the generous bubbles you've come to know from Topo Chico. While a brief, clear head quickly dies down, there's a gentle ticking of sky-bound bubbles departing from the bottom of the glass and can that ring out long after it's been poured.

The opening sip is sweet, tart and juicy. The lime here mixes with a bit of sugar to leave behind a syrupy texture that clashes with the light, crisp bubbles of Topo Chico. While Topo Chico's other alcoholic beverages maintained the kind of oblong carbonation that gave its drinks a certain hard-to-describe chewiness, that doesn't kick in here.

You're left with a well-made but slightly generic canned margarita as a result. The sugar and lime help elevate it above the 100 calorie contenders to the throne, as does a smidge extra booze at six percent. It's tasty -- not quite crushable like its peers but not meant to be. This is more of a sipper, heavier in texture and flavor.

Tropical pineapple: A-

This promises real lime juice -- five percent -- but says nothing of the pineapple origins. Since it clocks in at the same 190 calories of the traditional margarita, I'm gonna assume that's a "natural flavors" vortex. That pineapple dominates the smell off the top, filling the air around me glass with sweet, tangy tropical fruit.

The pineapple is front and center, but it's tempered by the tart lime and sweet sugar. It's more balanced here than in the traditional margarita. The pineapple adds an extra layer of depth that helps space out those big flavors a bit more. It's still slightly more dense than your typical canned cocktail and lacks the signature Topo Chico carbonation. Even so, it's full-bodied and refreshing, particularly over ice.

That ice plays a key role once it's a bit melted, thinning out that texture and flavor in a way that helps the drink improve as time goes on. The distilled spirits -- there's no tequila here -- disappear into each sip. That leaves you with a moderately boozy can that tastes like soda. That's dangerous. It's also just about what I'm looking for.

Strawberry Hibiscus: D

You had me at strawberry. Then lost me at hibiscus. Floral flavors are a fickle beast, and a little can go a long way.

The smell off the top is sweet strawberry and a sour, organic finish. The hibiscus here is acidic and tangy and... well, it reminds me of sour beers. Not good ones. The ones that give you flashbacks to the bile rising in your throat before you vomit.

There's just enough fruit sweetness to make this drinkable but... it's not something I want to drink again. The hibiscus isn't even floral, it's just an acidic pall that hangs over everything. It's the worst thing Topo Chico has ever made.

Prickly Pear: B-

This one also smells tart, acidic and unappealing -- even two months before the best by: date on the can. It's possible the lime juice inside has turned. Or it's possible I just haven't gotten the smell of the strawberry hibiscus out of my nose yet.

And, yep, that lingering scent was at least part of it. The smell remains a little bit acidic, but the margarita itself is sweet and slightly tangy. The prickly pear washes over each sip with a soft, pillowy flavor that strikes a welcome balance with sharp bubbles. You get a little more of the booze underneath here compared to the traditional margarita or the pineapple, but not enough to be a deterrent.

It's better out of the can than over ice, and the abundant flavor and density here is less of an asset than it is with the first two flavors. Still, it's sweet, potent and easy to drink. It's not my favorite, but it'll do.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?

This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Topo Chico's margaritas over a cold can of Hamm’s?

It's mostly fine to pull out of a cooler, but if there's a Hamm's around I'm gonna take the beer every time.

This is part of FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

This article originally appeared on For The Win: Topo Chico review: Margaritas are more boring than their seltzers

Reporting by Christian D'Andrea, For The Win / For The Win

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