When Tom Cruise takes to the stage at the Ray Dolby Ballroom this Sunday to accept an honorary Oscar, he could do so in a number of eye-catching ways. He could zoom in on a motorbike, screeching to a halt on a dime, leaping off the saddle and launching into his acceptance speech in one fluid move. He could lower himself down from the ceiling, pirouetting perfectly in mid-air to pick up the statuette, all without touching the ground. Or he could do the whole thing underwater somehow. He can figure it out.

Of course, he’ll do none of the above. He’ll walk on, aided by no alternative form of propulsion, accept his little gold guy, and give a speech that will almost certainly be classy, humble, and shot through with a love of cinema. It’s a speech that could reasonably include the words ‘abou

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