Season 3 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives finally let Jessi Ngatikaura share her side of the story after coming clean about having an affair with Marciano Brunette while married to husband Jordan Ngatikaura — and she’s revealing even more details with Us Weekly.

“It was surreal [rewatching season 3 back],” Jessi, 33, exclusively told Us Weekly in this week’s issue ahead of the show’s return on Thursday, November 12. “I feel like half the time I could just tell I was struggling. I just felt like I was empty when I was watching it. So that was really hard for me — especially because I know the emotion I was feeling in certain scenes. But it also was kind of therapeutic to watch it back and see it from a different lens because it’s now been a few months and I healed a little more.”

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